Parks and Recreation: Food is energy

BREAKING NEWS - I no longer feel any guilt for the 3am brownie I ate last night Thanks to Andy breaking it down for me. (See previous post)

Charleigh and ABC Dancing.

Turk dances to Poison (I miss Scrubs)

Conan corrects Jennifer Garner

That awkward moment where you incorrectly correct someone on national television and then get schooled. Ha! This is why I am not on national television. It would happen to me all the time. And I don't want to steal Jennifer Garner's thunder ; )

Rant! Enough with the ginormous necklaces. They are dumb.

I don't get the current trend of big bubble necklaces. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, in my wardrobe that makes me think, "Hmm, you know what would look good with this outfit? Some oversized beads that weigh my neck down and look like balls!" No thanks.

This is going to make me very unpopular in the blog-o-sphere because the bloggers seem to have eaten up these creations. My favorite morning news broadcast has an anchor that takes the cake in the big-bubble-bead-ball necklace trend. She wears all colors every single day. Enough!

Some chicks call them "statement necklaces." Did you know your statement is saying that you like big balls around your neck? Just saying...

What in the world? Are you serious?! I personally think this stupid trend is almost *almost* as stupid as this shirt...

Float on...

Make it your beeswax

The quality stinks, but this cracks me up everytime. "What time you want to meet? You mean 10 years from now?"

"I have something at 11..." (James, this one is for you today!)

Jimmy Fallon's Hashtags: #DadQuotes

I hate Father's Day, but happen to love my baby daddy! Jimmy Fallon also makes me like it more. "What did she say?"

Happy Father's Days to the good ones, especially you Greg McNamara. I don't think you ever (in a million years) pictured yourself as the father to a pint-sized little girl. "Us McNamara's make boys!" Ha! But I must say, you completely rock at Ring Around the Rosie, tea parties, and playing baby dolls. Charleigh is so very lucky to have you, as am I.

Because it never gets old. Never.

I love how he keeps his hands in his pockets for the first 42 seconds.

What in the world.

The San Diego State Fair is featuring this...

That would be a doughnut with Sloppy Joe and cheese. Excuse me while I go barf...

Since when did a simple doughnut stop being good enough? Let's not reinvent the wheel people, just keep it simple!

 

That's all I have for today ; ) Float on...

What type of card shopper are you?

Good morning pals. I'm sure you've all seen the news out of Oklahoma today. I actually had to turn it off this morning. I just couldn't take it. My heart goes out to the area/families/all people affected by the storms.

I'm going to keep it light around here today since the news is breaking our hearts. Random question: is it "affected" or "effected?"

You don't come here for my grammar skills. Obviously. Or my spelling skills. (I just googled how to spell "obviously.) Full disclosure here people!

Let's get on with it. If you know me in real life, you know I love sending cards/postcards. I frequent the card section at Target likes it's my job. Have you ever noticed there are certain types of card shoppers? I'll break it down -

*The "how fast can I get this stupid card and go?" card shopper. Dudes, I'm not trying to be sexist, but it's normally you. You can practically see the trail of dust behind you as you scoop up the 4 cards on the corner display without even setting foot in the actual card aisle, all while making a beeline for the checkout. *Can also be referred to as, speedy gonzalez. (I had to google the word "beeline")

The "lingering" card shopper. They are in the aisle f-o-r-e-v-e-r. You've done an entire monthly shopping throughout the whole store and they are still there... with an empty basket... reading the same card. Hey. Hey you! Yeah, you! They are called greeting cards! They say witty things, sometimes sentimental. Pick some out and get going. Don't you have a life to go live?

The "bigger is better" card shopper. Every card aisle has at least a few of those over-sized, jumbo greeting cards. I'm always amazed to see someone actually go over and consider getting one! Is that necessary? Really? The small greeting cards are already like $5 bucks! Who spends $15 on a greeting card!?

The "cell phone" card shopper. You can't possibly read a greeting card while talking on your cell phone. Give the cards some respect! You can see the lady who just picked up a hilarious Awkward Family Photo card and she isn't even laughing! Go have an argument on your cell phone somewhere else!

There you have it. Now you know I judge people in the card aisle.

Let's end the day with a public service announcement! Although I do love a good riddle more than the next person, tattoos are forever people. Mmkay?

Float on...

Bet my weekend makes you laugh.

Hello there readers. Thanks for stopping by today. Not only did I NOT win the Powerball this weekend, I didn't even get one number right. Not one. Fail. Next time there is talk of a $600 million dollar jackpot can someone just tell me to go buy myself an ice cream cone? That way I can only spend about $1 and still win. Ha!

 

Hope you all had a good weekend. Since it's Monday, I thought I would tell you about my weekend. Here it goes...

First off - I did a little shopping.

I spent some time with Greg.

Got in a couple of workouts.

Played with Tupelo.

Did some cleaning.

Tried a new recipe.

And got some new glasses.

 

Yup. That about sums it up : ) Float on...

People to avoid at the gym (From GQ Magazine)

I found an article about 11 people to avoid at the gym. Here are a few to brighten your day. *Please note I copied this verbatum from GQ magazine. (Why I was reading GQ magazine, I don't know.) There are some cuss words and talk of balls. Sorry mom ; )

"The Naked Shaver"

How to recognize him: There he is at the mirror, meticulously denuding his beard line with his balls resting on the granite countertop.

As made famous by: Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love.

Also probably made famous by: Ryan Gosling in real life.

Accessory: Towel. To be worn only over the shoulder so as not to interfere with the perfect "dangle"

You may also know him from: The time he super-patiently started asking you about the pluses and minuses of your new Asics minimalist sneakers while... being completely naked.

"The Steam-Room Stretcher"

How to recognize him: Are you in the steam room? Is there a guy in there who is making weird groaning sounds? That's him.

Philosophy: No one can see me behind this shroud of steam, so it's a great place to do weird private stuff.

Related to: The sauna zit-picker, the shower gargler, and that guy who has definitely been doing something strange in the handicapped stall for the past half hour.

"The Clean-and-Jerker"

How to recognize him: Kinda fat, a little bit hairy, looks a garbageman in a threadbare workout clothes from the 70's. Can squat 5,970 pounds.

Why you avoid spotting him on the bench press: It seems like you might have to end up doing CPR. Maybe it's the pallid complexion or the cold sweat, but it's not healthy looking.

Accessories: Leather weight-lifting belt, knee brace fashioned from old radiator hose, tiny gym shorts, tube socks.

How to know if he's been in the area: Puddle of un-mopped-up sweat, scent of raw mackerel.

How to know if you are him: For breakfast you just had six raw eggs and a package of Entenmann's cheese Danishes.

"The Zumba Giggler"

How to recognize him: He's white. Like really, really white.

On his iTunes: All remixes of "Funky Vodka," Pitbull, and Enrique.

No relationship to: The barbell sniffer, the yoga snorer, the shake-weight farter.

 

"The Spin-Class Ogler"

 

How to recognize him: Find the yoga room, the StairMaster, the streching mat, the spin class, or anywhere else peopled by women in tight pants. Now turn around and find the guy who's watching.

 

How to know if you are him: Every once in a whle you realize, Oh, they can see me too!

 

Motto: No better place to be than behind the last row of treadmills.

 

"The StairMaster Drummer"

 

How to recognize him: He's the only man on the StairMaster who has an imaginary twenty-seven-piece Zildjian kit.

 

What he doesn't know: He's actually singing "Hot for Teacher" out loud.

 

Closely related to: The ab-mat dancer, the Exercycle e-mailer, the guy who Zumbas like nobody's watching and talks on his cell phone like no one is listening.

 

"The Roidsky Twins"

 

How to recognize them: They're the only two dudes yelling, "All you! All you! C'mon, I know you've got one more!"

 

Accessories: Half-drunk bottle of Muscle Milk, well-thumbed copy of Men's Health, tiny testicles.

 

First accessory to be jettisoned: T-shirt, after 90 seconds of exertion. Note: will still chest-bump a motherfucker.

"The Mat Potato"

How to recognize him: Forty-five minutes after you first saw him, he's still lying on the floor watching Sports Center.

Internal dialogue: "Working out doesn't seem so hard! And look, I've been here two hours. I should treat myself to a smoothie."

Repressed internal dialogue: "If I go home, my wife won't let me watch Sports Center."

Nagging question: How come I'm not ripped yet? Maybe it's my metabolism.

Uniform: A full sweat suit. It gets chilly in here.